Laryngomalacia

Just got back from the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist.  She had to stick a tube with a camera down Hannah’s nose, while she was wide awake, to check out her structures.  I’ve never heard Hannah scream like that before.  I actually started losing it during the 3-minute procedure, but I didn’t.

Apparently the sound she is making is called “stridor.”  She said Hannah’s structures were normal, but her tone was poor.  She made the diagnosis of laryngomalacia, “very common condition of infancy, in which the soft, immature cartlidge of the upper larynx collapses inward during inhalation, causing airway obstruction.”

However, because of Hannah’s possible diagnoses, the poor tone could also be (and apparently is likely to be) related to whatever condition she has.  We just have to ride it out.  She wants to see Hannah back in late January to reevaluate once we know what her condition is. 

If this laryngomalacia is related to her condition, then it will not improve, and it will only get worse.  We are talking possible breathing tubes and/or feeding tubes in the near future.  

I lost on the drive home from the doctor’s office.  Daddy came out to meet me in the garage when I got home, and I just started bawling.  I still can’t seem to shake it right now as I type.  I don’t know what to do.  I feel like someone is playing a very cruel joke on me.  Hannah is such a beautiful and smiley little girl.  She really just lights up my world.  Why do I feel like she is going to be taken away from me sooner than later?  This fucking sucks.