Growing up, I was never really heavily religious. Sure, we did the important holidays (Passover, Hannukah, sometimes Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur). However, I always felt a strong connection to my Jewish culture. I guess you could say that I’m “culturally” Jewish. I married someone who wasn’t Jewish, but he embraced the Jewish religion, learned all he could (which was more than I knew), and agreed that we would raise our children Jewish. We joined a temple shortly after getting married, but that lasted only briefly.
Now that I am facing this possible life-threatening situation with Hannah, I find myself becoming more attached to my religion. I have probably talked and prayed to God to keep Hannah (and my other kids) safe more times in the past few months than I had over the past 10 years. I must have said “please” a million times at least for so many different things these past few months.
So now, I’m finding myself being drawn back to getting more involved in my religion. My husband even is feeling the same way. Why is it we only reach out when we really need something “bigger than us” to believe in? Thank goodness religion is something that will always welcome us with open arms. My husband even wants to have the kids try out religious school this Sunday. Big Boy E is VERY excited about this idea, as he is fascinated with God, religion, and understanding what we can’t see. Little Girl A will just have playtime.
Regardless of what happens with Hannah, I know that we will need this kind of support in the future.
Sometimes I think we have to get to that point where we need to believe before we really can – sometimes I think that until our faith is deeply tested, we can’t really call it “belief”, you know? During a trial, you learn what you deep-down really believe, not just what you’ve learned growing up. And how wonderful that God will never turn His back on us, no matter if we wander away for a time.
Bigs hugs and prayers to y’all, every day.
I was just reading your blog and I just wanted to say Don’t give up! You will get a diagnosis! Our DD has a very rare genetic condition and I am the one who figured it out and called our geneticist. Sometimes moms are the experts!
The amazing thing is that God’s grace is always right there! He doesn’t ever pull away from us.
Having children and the various outcomes and ongoing situations is what took my faith to a deeper and abiding level.
I think there is great comfort in faith.