I try and keep Little Girl A and Big Boy E’s adventures in our lives separate from this blog, but something happened with Little Girl A that is still just breaking my heart.
She goes to preschool 3 days a week (she is almost 5 and will start kindergarten next year). She was going 5 days a week at a different preschool, but she had such a difficult adjustment to Hannah being home that we ended up not only changing her to 3 days a week but putting her in an entirely different school.
For the past few weeks, she just has not wanted to go to school. She “misses mommy too much” and wants to stay home with me. She gets a lot of hugs and kisses every day, and I make a really strong effort to give her the extra attention she feels she is missing out on. When I ask her why she doesn’t want to go to school, she comes up with a myriad of reasons (none of which are true, I’ve talked to her teachers).
This morning was the worst. An absolute meltdown. We are talking kicking, screaming, and enough tears to fill a lake. It lasted for over 30 minutes. Daddy almost had to carry her down the stairs kicking and screaming.
I didn’t want to give in to her desire to have another stay-home day with Mommy (she was home with Hannah and I yesterday). I just knew that if I gave in, I’d be starting a bad trend. But I did compromise and said that I would pick her up a little bit earlier today. That finally calmed her down enough she would go with Daddy without fighting him.
The tears, the screaming tantrums, the oh-so-sad and make-a-bassett-hound-look-happy face, for over 30 minutes this morning. Hannah even started crying a few times during this because it was just so dramatic.
I know she is wanting to be more attached to me since Hannah got here, but unless I cuddle and hug her and play with her every second, I am doing everything I can to give her so much attention. I even make it a point to put her before Hannah in quite a few things (when it is safe to do so — like purposefully saying to Hannah something like “I can’t play with you now, I’m going to play with Little Girl A, and you will have to play with Daddy).
What happens when she starts kindergarten next year and will have no more stay home days with me?
I think Hannah’s illness and it’s effects are just manifesting itself with your daughter. She’s confused, scared, jealous, etc. with all that is going on. Maybe you can schedule time with just her once a day–like an hour and then reward her for not crying about school. I don’t blame her, it’s so hard on everyone I imagine. Maybe other moms in your situation have experienced this and can offer suggestions. You’re a great mom trying to balance everyone, I admire you.
As the aunt of two girls, one will be five in June, one will turn one in March, big girl is VERY jealous of little girl – no matter how much attention she gets, she wants more. In the fall, she will be little older, a little less clingy…I had a foster son for ten months who was 4 and needed serious mommying, would throw the same fit you are talking about. Some days I gave in and said, “fine, mommy day it is” because it wasn’t worth his obvious stress. Other days, I ran out of the pre-school door while he was distracted. She’ll mellow out, they all do. In the fall, you can still have mommy days…not like any child has failed kindergarten for staying home one day with their mother.
I think she is just feeling a little jealous… and she knows that Mommy is a soft touch. It’s certainly ok to give in occasionally, but don’t reward the meltdowns…. reward the “good” days.
it’s hard juggling 3, especially with all of Hannah’s needs. You are doing a terrific job! Hang in the Mommy!
I am sure I am not telling you anything you don’t already know, but getting a new sibling is always traumatic. Add to that everything that your family has gone through and she is understandably a little bit stressed.
By next year, things may be very different. She will be older, Hannah will be older and she will have adjusted to all the changes.
It sounds like you are handling it exactly right. Definitely sometimes “telling” Hannah that you can’t play with her reinforces that Little Girl A is still a very important part of your life. You just need to make clear that sometimes Hannah gets mommy’s attention, sometimes Little Girl A gets mommy’s attention and sometimes Big Boy E gets mommy’s attention. You love all of them and that wont change. Good luck, I know how traumatizing the tantrums are for mommy.
Ah, the joys of discovering the extent of your kid’s lung capacity!
I agree with the earlier commenters. I know most kids are pretty sensitive to their parents’ feelings and can react to them in different ways. I remember when my cousin with a daughter about the same age as A had her mother die. My cousin had a very difficult time with her mother dying, and her daughter immediately began doing the same thing A is doing. If you’ve ruled out something going on at school, like a bully or a fear of something in the classroom, I think that maybe the combination of having Hannah and dealing with Hannah’s illness, even if you haven’t talked to her about it yet, might be causing some of the anxiety.
Routine is really, really important to kids that age, so you should probably keep taking her to school even if she really doesn’t want to go. I like the idea of scheduling some Mommy-Daughter time. Can Daddy take the other two kids for a while about once a week while you two go to the park or out for a treat?
Not that you need any more advice, but that’s my two cents.
Ah, the joys of discovering the extent of your kid’s lung capacity!
I agree with the earlier commenters. I know most kids are pretty sensitive to their parents’ feelings and can react to them in different ways. I remember when my cousin with a daughter about the same age as A had her mother die. My cousin had a very difficult time with her mother dying, and her daughter immediately began doing the same thing A is doing. If you’ve ruled out something going on at school, like a bully or a fear of something in the classroom, I think that maybe the combination of having Hannah and dealing with Hannah’s illness, even if you haven’t talked to her about it yet, might be causing some of the anxiety.
Routine is really, really important to kids that age, so you should probably keep taking her to school even if she really doesn’t want to go. I like the idea of scheduling some Mommy-Daughter time. Can Daddy take the other two kids for a while about once a week while you two go to the park or out for a treat?
Not that you need any more advice, but that’s my two cents.
you know, today was quite the clingy day at our preschool too. I watched the teacher pull no less than 3 children off of their parents this morning. Must be something in the air.
Hannah touched my heart, i will have your URL with Hannah’s picture on my blog.
Thank you