After slowing down for the past week or so, I’ve really done some thinking. I know, very dangerous. I realized that I am very angry, very disappointed, and just downright pissed.
- I’m angry that Hannah is sick with this type of disease. She is such a beautiful, sweet baby.
- I’m angry that I am constantly worrying about her prognosis. I admit that I am cherishing the moments more than I probably would have, but photos and videos can’t capture her soft touch, her caress, or her genuine smile when she sees me.
- I’m disappointed that certain people I hoped to be able to count on for help and support have not only not been there for us but basically have disappeared from our lives. There are even quite a few that I haven’t even heard from since we found out Hannah was sick.
- I’m angry that I am no longer the “in touch” mom I was. Last year I was room mom for both Ethan and Abby’s classes and loved it. I knew all the parents and knew all the kids. This year, I couldn’t even tell you 1/3rd of the kids’ names in either of their classes. I can’t attend all their functions, and I admittedly even missed on of Ethan’s recently because I just forgot about it (and feel horrible since all but two kids had their parents show up).
- I’m disappointed that I’ve let myself go to the point where I can’t even stand looking in the mirror anymore. I actually got a manicure and a haircut before we left for Vegas. Would you believe it had been almost 4 months since I had my rat’s nest of hair cut? I can’t remember the last time I got a manicure before last month. I felt pretty and feminine — I actually felt like a woman!
- I am angry because of our financial situation. We were so self-sufficient before this situation. Two incomes (even though mine was part-time so I could be the involved mom), nice small savings. Now, we are down to just one income and our savings is dwindling down to make up for my lost income. I’m trying to get writing jobs, but it is very difficult — I am thankful I have been able to get two paid articles, however!
I am extremely thankful for, however, those people who I didn’t know would be there for us who have come through for us with flying colors with all kinds of support. You know who you are.
I am so sorry for all that you are going through! You have every right to be angry. Our daughter had open heart surgery over a year ago and it killed us financially. Your daughter is beautiful!!! 🙂
I am stopping by from MBC to show you some comment love, drop you on Entrecard and follow you on Twitter.
Hi Carrie.
Hang in there.
You’ve been blessed with a beautiful baby 🙂
Know that you guys are in my thoughts every day. I haven’t forgotten about “guest blogging”. It’s the first week of Little League. We have games every night this week, except for Thursday. That’s crazy! Talk to you soon. Grey’s bill got picked up in the Senate by Sen. Uresti. That’s huge for us. Give Hannah kisses for us.
Please know that you are not the only one having these feelings! I often get in a funk where I’m angry at the world and say to myself why the HELL did this happen to me and my precious daughter? I see and/or talk to pregnant woman and they are always saying ‘I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl as long as they are healthy’. I just want to scream and bawl my eyes out because that’s what I said too, how come it didn’t happen for me? If you need to just get some anger out and want to vent, you know my number! I’m here for you!
Don’t be so hard on yourself, honey, you deserve to be angry. You’ve been doing exceptionally well with dealing with everything and every now and then you’ll need to take the time to vent, cry or whatever! I know that the stress of the disease along with all the responsibilities and financial issues on top of that is very hard. I definitely understand that as well as understanding how you feel about your beautiful star being sick with this. It’s good to let it out.
Now, how about scheduling another manicure? If you don’t have the money to go to the salon then schedule one to do yourself. At least an hour per month for you to do womanly stuff, okay? I know it’s tough, but you have to add you to your to do list.
Please take it easy on yourself. TTYS.
The situation sucks – No way to candy coat it! I don’t know why people bail when we need them most, but for some reason a lot of times they do. That alone is enough to make you angry without even touching on the rest of the stuff.
Hang in there! Try to do the little things for yourself when you can, and know that you are doing a great job!
Stephanie’s last blog post..Wheat?
You are not alone in those feelings and they will come and go.
When we got Michaela’s diagnosis, she was 2 1/2yrs old. At the time, I had several friends who would do anything to hold her, babysit, etc. The week we were told she had Williams Syndrome was the same week they disappeared and never returned my calls. I think that was one of the most devastating things for me. Since then, I have been incredibly lucky to have the best friends who truly love and accept my daughter and her illness and are supportive.
Laura’s last blog post..The Winners
Just writing to say that you have found a very productive way to channel these very natural emotions. Stay strong and keep doing all the wonderful things you have started. You should feel safe and loved, because you are.
I hear ya on the people bailing on you. I hope you know that you guys are always in our thoughts and prayers, and I am so thankful for having you in our lives. I look forward to the day that we can meet and get our beautiful girls together for the first time. They are going to be good friends!! We love you, and I will do WHATEVER I can for you both. Please know I am always here for you..a phone call away whenever you need to vent. We need to schedule a super mom vent chat soon!
xoxoxoxo
Ok, I gotta go cuz I can’t stop crying!
LOVE YOU!
Karen’s last blog post..The choice (almost), doubt, doubt and more doubt