Hannah has been sedated and paralyzed all day, again. Day #2 postop.
Daddy and the kids (and animals) all arrived in Vegas in the early afternoon at our new home. Suddenly, it just all hit me at once that I am homeless right now. I feel like a resident of TCH, wandering the halls at all hours to my room, my meals, and my new daily life. Tomorrow will be the beginning of week #4 here. My “home” is now 1600 or so miles away.
I miss my family. I miss Daddy and the kids horribly. What I would give for a hug and a kiss from them right now.
I miss Hannah, my Hannah. I spent a lot of time in Hannah’s room, many times just sitting in the chair holding her hand, stroking her face, and massaging her legs. She just lies there. I want so much to just scoop her up and cuddle with her. I would give anything right now to be able to just see her look at me and smile. I see this beautiful little girl, lying in the crib in the PICU, completely still, still on a vent through her trach and about a dozen other leads and IVs, nonresponsive…
I miss my Hannah. It has been too many weeks now since I have seen her just “be.” It still will be a few more days until she gets taken off “fresh trach precautions” and may be even able to hold her again.
I worry about Hannah once they wean her off, her addiction to these narcotic sedatives they had to use. I fear that they will change her.
I just want my Hannah back, exactly as she was 3-1/2 weeks ago.
I am praying for all of you, Carrie. I wish I could do more but for now I will pray.
Oh Carrie, I can’t even imagine what you are going through. I wish I could offer a hug. I continued to pray for all of you.
wish I could fly out there and be there for you in person! love you guys!
Carrie,
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. I’m so glad Robert and the kids made it to Vegas safely. Please let me know what I can do for you.
Nancy
It is a completely insane situation you are in…how ironic that this all happened before the move instead of after..life can be one big smack in the head after another. Glad to hear that Hannah is stable and that the roller coaster seems to be slowing down. ?
I am sure you do feel homeless. I honestly can’t even imagine. I have an adoption friend who has gone through the drug withdrawl on her son a few times. He also just got a trache. She might be a good support for you. Her name is Leah. Watch for the invite on facebook. And hang in there!
Have they been able to give you any additional time estimates? How soon will they be able to start stepping down her meds? After the trach gets to what point? How is the g-tube doing? I can’t say enough how badly I wish I could find a way to spare Hannah and you all of this!
How are Abby and Ethan doing? Are having cousins close by sufficiently distracting? Or is it still really hard on them?
Love and BIG, STRONG, BEAR HUGS to you all!
Praying for you all!!!
Praying for you… and crying. I’m sorry that life is handing you all of this at the same time.
Kids metabolize drugs quicker. That’s why they get addicted quicker…
Carrie,
My heart goes out to you, I really feel for you for what you are going through at this difficult time. I can truly understand the emptiness you are feeling right now with Bobby and the kids so far away and just not being able to pick up Hannah and just hold her cos I’m sure that will bring you a lot of comfort.
Wish I could wave a magic wand and just make it all go away for you but all I can do is pray for you all and right now I am so upset for you that I am in tears and my heart is just aching and I feel so sad for you. Just not fair, really it isnt.
Will contineu to pray for you and hope that Hannah comes back into you arms real soon.
Love,
Susan