I am ready for 2010 to be over with. It was a really, really rough year. If I listed the good and bad in a list, I will have to say that the bad definitely outweighed the good this year in terms of quantity. Daddy getting laid off in February and being unemployed for 7 months, almost losing Hannah this summer and her being hospitalized for 6 weeks plus her regression and continuing recovery, moving from Texas to Nevada while she was hospitalized (never did get to say goodbye to our Texas house or our Texas friends), and just the realization of Hannah’s disease on our relationship, kids, extended family, and friends. Oh yeah, can’t forget trying to sell our Texas house and having to pay double mortgage/rent for 6 months when we were already in a financial stress zone!
Quality-wise, the good realized at the end of 2010 will still outweigh the bad even if the listing on the bad side is longer.
- Hannah is still here, still fighting. To say she is an amazing little gift is obvious, but it is so hard to put into words how true this is.
- Ethan and Abigail have proven to be such amazing older siblings to her — their patience, their enthusiasm, and their acceptance is better than anyone could have ever hoped for in a sibling relationship (if only they could be that good to each other! LOL).
- As tough as this year was, my relationship with my hubby is still as strong as ever. We are talk about the tough things, we partner together on raising and disciplining our kids, and we still make each other laugh and smile. Even though our relationship has been tested beyond anything I could imagine, we still are best friends.
- Reality checks. There are people in your life, family and friends included, who show their true colors during difficult situations such as these. People that you think would be Hannah’s number one fighters and supporters turn into those that disappear from your life and don’t want to be a part of Hannah’s life. Then there are those you have not been close with in many months or years who become your biggest champions. My heart has been very twisted these past couple of years, but I have realized that my energy needs to stay with those who nurture me not hurt me.
- I need to focus on me now. I have disappeared. I feel like for the past couple of years, these past 7 months especially, I am only a mom and wife. I feel like I have forgotten how to be a woman and how to be ‘me.’ My health, my weight, my self-esteem, and my positive relationships all need to be worked on this year, and as hard as it may be to find time to do it, I do need to try.
I am definitely looking forward to putting 2010 behind me. I am scared to see what 2011 brings. I am nervous as to what my thoughts one year from now will be because of what had transpired the 12 months before.
I need to fight even harder for her in 2011. Time is running out for Hannah. I need to do more, ask for more, and give more…in so many areas.
The most important thing that Hannah is teaching me that I will bring into 2011 is that I need to be even stronger, more motivated, and truer to my self. I owe it to her, Ethan, Abigail, my hubby, and most importantly, myself.
Carrie, thank you for another poignant and heartfelt post. I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels to be in your shoes, but your strength and resilience are commendable. You may not realize this, but this past year you have been a huge role model to me. It seems that every time I would start to feel down about our situation and just want to curl up and ignore everything, I would read a new post from you. And I would remember that there are MUCH MUCH more important things than just “stuff”. And I would be reminded that no matter how hard things got you were always there for your family. You are an amazing wife and mother, and I so admire the grace you posses.
You are a true inspiration to all those around you. I am sending you the biggest hug. Your strength makes others strong, but you need love and strength too. I hope others help you as much as you help those around you. You are amazing! Happy new year.
You are my hero Carrie. I look forward to watching you this new year as you continue to advocate for Hannah, love your family and love yourself! <3
Dear Carrie, I always look forward to reading your blog entries. You are honest and eloquent, and I admire your strength very much. Your love for Hannah and for your entire family is evident in every word you write. I am thinking only good thoughts for you in 2011.
It has been a tough year for you and even though you may not see it you have been strong, motivated and truly advocating for your sweet daughter. She is a gift, like you said, and it has been evident from the beginning. I’m happy that big brother and sister are so loving and supportive, and that you and the hubs have bonded. That’s so important. Please do take time to find more of yourself outside of wife and mom; that will strengthen you more than you know. I wish peace, love, joy, good news and blessings to you and your family for this year and always! I love you guys, take care.
Carrie,
Yes it has been a really rough year for you, but God
I admire you sooo much for your strenght, your courage and your ability to just pull yourself up each time you re knocked down!! You Carrie are an AMAZING MOTHER, WIFE and WOMAN and I truly believe you have inspired sooo many people thru your blogs including me! I think I told you this once before and I am going to tell you this again, if you could bottle up all that strenght and courage and sell it you would be a millionaire!!!
Its time now to think of YOU! You have to take some time for yourself, you cant just DISSAPPEAR! You are loved and admired by so many people STAY STRONG and just continue to be the person you are but take some time to yourself also.
We love you Carrie, take care of yourself and may 2011 bring you and your family PEACE and JOY and GOOD HEALTH!