Abby has been having some troubles over the past couple of months, both at home and at school. She has her own medical issues (non life threatening) on top of all this.
After Daddy came home from work tonight, I took Abby out for some mommy-Abby time. With the exception of doing homework each day and watching TV on some nights, we rarely have time by ourselves for some real fun. My plan was to have some fun and then get some dinner and see if she would open up about what was going on.
We decided to go bowling and had a lot of fun. We then played some air hockey and that was even more fun because we both got really animated and involved. Then we grabbed some dinner.
It was hard getting Abby to open up. She didn’t want to talk about anything serious at first, but I thought that maybe if I asked her a few questions that she would open up.
Initially I had thought that she was jealous because of how much time Hannah takes away from her and I or how hard it is because we couldn’t do as much out anymore.
I was surprised when she said she wasn’t jealous about any of that. Then she started crying. She didn’t want to tell me at first, but then she finally said, “I don’t want Hannah to die.” OMG, that just hit me in the gut. She talked about how scared she was when Hannah was in the hospital this summer, how she was mad that the doctors can’t help Hannah, and how much she thinks about Hannah all the time she is playing with her cousin (who is 6 months younger than Hannah) and how Hannah can’t do the things her cousin can.
She then told me that she was mad at Daddy and I for making Hannah sick. When I asked why, she said it was because Daddy and I gave Hannah the bad gene that gave her this disease. It was so hard for me to hold it together during this conversation. I kept saying that Daddy and I didn’t know about it and that we would never want to hurt Hannah or them. She knew I meant it, but she broke down and I started to break down and we just hugged each other right there in the restaurant.
She made other comments during this conversation like how she is afraid that Hannah is going to die before she is 4, how she wishes we could get the trach out because that means Hannah would be getting better, and just so many more things that I never thought I would be talking about with my almost 7-year-old daughter.
She is very scared about losing Hannah, either by passing away or having Hannah go into the hospital again being very sick. I told Abby I was scared too.
I know that Abby wanted me to tell her that Hannah was going to be fine and that she would get better, but I was not going to lie to her. She obviously was more intuitive than I realized about what is happening with her sister. I also noticed that a lot of discussion was what she heard us talking to the reporter about on Rare Disease Day.
I need to find a way to get more mommy-Abby time for fun and so she can open up. It is clear that she understands the seriousness of Hannah’s disease much more than we had thought she did.
As I sit here after reading this the tears are streaming ! I can’t fathom how you do all you do. I would like to commend you on getting Abbey to open up! Open dialogue is so important. Abbey is so blessed to have such a wonderful mommy. She probably feels a since of relief being able to express all her feelings with you. I will continue to pray for all you!
Wow. Words cannot express what I’m feeling. How wonderful that you took Abby out for some alone time – sounds like she needed it. My heart goes out to her (and all of you). Sending quiet hugs.
Maybe finding Abby a neutral therapist she can talk to might help her process the difficult and heartbreaking situation she’s in. You’re a great mom, wonderful to your children, and not saying that you’re not enough but that maybe she needs professional guidance. I know I would need professional support if I were in the same situation at 7.
Wow! You ate such a great mom! I know kris sets aside time to go to coffee with Morgan.
I am so sorry you have to go through this Carrie. No family should ever have to go though what ya’ll go through.
Oh, Carrie! That is heartbreaking! 🙁 I’m sorry that Abby has become so wise beyond her years. Its good you were able to talk with her. Her love for Hannah is a strong, beautiful thing, even if it hurts. We’re sending you all our love and lots of strength. HUGS!
I was heartbroken this morning when I read it and really had to think about what a tough situation you are in. I agree with Melissa, therapy is great for kidd to process their thoughts. Noah has been going for years and he is able to open up to the therapist in a way he can’t with me and its a totally safe place. When my dad was very ill last year and Kyle was having his pacemaker put in, he thought they both were going to die. He was able to process that with his therapist, the venerable Miss Todd, who is like family to us. My heart goes out to all of you-hugs-
I also agree with Melissa, I think therapy might help her process her emotions better. we are hoping to get aidan in to see a therapist soon (takes forever) to help understand why he is acting out so much.
Carrie how my heart is breaking after reading about Abby and how she feels. She has “bottled up so much” and its so great that you could see that and you got her to open up. That must have been such a relief for her. Can you imagine a little child almost 7 years old keeping all that inside her?? What must she have been going through? I am so sorry that she and all of you have to go through this. As I have said many times before “I wish I had some kind of MAGIC WAND that can just take all this pain and sadness away! But all I can do is keep praying for you all to be strong for Hannah and for each other.
{{{hugs}}} While it was a hard conversation, it is good that she talked about it with you. Not only do you know what is going on in her mind, but she also knows you are there for her and she can talk to you.
I just wanted to let you all know on here that we are seeing out professional help for Abby. We want her happy again — thank you all {{hugs}}.
I am so so sorry. Emily was only 3 when Gage was sick, but she still knew he was sick. She would ask if he was going to die. After he passed away, she kept asking why the doctors just couldn’t fix him again. I tried to explain that he was just so so sick. It was about a year later, Emily said “I am mad at you because you didn’t give Gage the right medicine so he wouldn’t die.” That broke my heart…again. As she gets older, she understands things a little better. But I HATE that these diseases hurt everyone in the family. It’s bad enough to see your sick child go through all of this…but then you have your other children to tend to as well. This is so stinking hard! We took Emily to a few groups and it seemed to help. I am glad you are getting help for Abby. Hugs, Mary
I just read this and my heart is just hurting for all of you. Abby will certainly realize as she gets older exactly how much you and Robert have put into advocating and seeking treatment for Hannah! I’m so proud of you for getting Abby to open up to you!
Love you.