Hannah’s Plan

Hannah, sleeping in her chair (which we let her do multiple times a day just to keep her body moving) with our dog, Kenny, keeping an eye on her

Hannah’s breathing is more shallow tonight.   Her respirations are much quicker, and it is almost as if she is only taking quick little in-out breaths now.  We can barely see her chest move up and down when I am a few feet away.

Yet, what is really strange, her oxygenation is in the low 90s (where it had been in the mid 70s and low 80s when we last checked a week or so ago), and her heart rate is around 80.   We don’t check her O2 sats or pulse rate much anymore, what is the point?   But we had to do it three or four times tonight because we were shocked with the results.  Very weird…no explanation for it.

When Daddy and I talk about the inevitability, we always seem to refer to it as Hannah’s plan.  We wish we knew what kind of timing we are dealing with — days, weeks?   So we say, “I wish we knew what Hannah’s plan is.”   After all, she is the one who knows best at this point.

Her meds combination seem to be working better to keep her sedated, and when she does wake up, the agitation is not anywhere near as violent or distressing as it was a few weeks ago.  Maybe because her body is more at peace now with less waking up (and in turn, less agitation)?

At our hospice team’s suggestion, we cut back on her free water.  Her body (especially her face) was becoming quite swollen since she is retaining a lot of the water, so we are just going to rely on the water in her formula along with the water flushes with her meds (which is still quite a bit since she gets meds every 2 to 4 hours plus what we used for her twice a day miralax).   But no more free water – we used to do 8 to 10 ounces a day at one point.  I think we are down to maybe 3 to 4 ounces a day now not including formula.

Right now, she is lying on her bed facing me.  She doesn’t look sick, for which I am so grateful.   Her color is good.  She just looks like she is peacefully sleeping.  You would never realize how ill she is right now if you didn’t know what was going on.

But we do know what is going on.  We are just waiting to see what Hannah’s plan is.


  1. I don’t have words….but my heart aches along with yours .

  2. {{{HUGS}}} and prayers.

  3. Shaquita says:

    God, she’s so beautiful. Every night before I go to bed, I think of Hannah and I pray, and every morning, I wake, pause, and pray for Hannah. I’ve never met her, but she’s touched my heart so much.

    Hugs, prayers, and so much love to Hannah and your family.

  4. Marsha Biller says:

    Hannah has made an impact on me, as well as your family. I have been following your blogs and posts on facebook and enjoying your pictures of your life. You have an awesome family Carrie. I have prayed for you and Hannah many many times. I can’t imagine the overwhelming feelings you all must be feeling. I don’t want Hannah to go. But yet, I don’t want her to suffer any longer either. What a brave little fighter you have. I am wishing for love and light to shine on your family and give you all strength and feelings of peace. Bless you

  5. Denise H says:

    Agreeing with Shaquita…Hannah is just so beautiful and with Mel…my heart aches along with yours. Prayers still coming your way.

  6. U need to ask ur nurse to explain the last 3 phases of breathing. It is very helpful so u know which stage sweet Hannah is at. Prayers with u all!

  7. Much love and prayers headed your way. She does look so peaceful- what a sweet little angel.
    Your post took me back to when my Dad was in the hospital (COPD) and there was nothing more they could do for him. That damn pulse ox alarm kept going off. I called in the nurse and asked, “Do we really need that damn thing? Enough is enough already!” and so they just removed it.
    Anyway, I wanted you to know that I’m thinking of y’all each and every day.

  8. Nana Waggs says:

    There just isn’t a word in our language to describe the beauty I see in this picture. Hannah is such a precious little one. You seem to always find the right words for the moments you deal with and Hannah’s Plan is perfect. My heart and prayers are with you.
    May God hold you close each moment…