Night nursing

Of course I spoke to soon on my last post because less than an hour later, she was really agitated, wanting to be lying on the floor.  I tried the rescue Methadone like our nursing coordinator wanted us too, which took the edge off a bit, but within 45 minutes, she was really uncomfortable.

Back to the chloral hydrate.  It worked very quickly this time at least.  So we made it almost 16 hours between doses which is still great.  We will see how the rest of the day goes though.

I have really come to appreciate doing Hannah’s night nursing now.  It is definitely a lot more nursing work now, as I have to redo the med sheets and schedules each day plus keep track of administering all her meds, controlling her oxygen and humidifier, managing her feeds/water, turning her so she doesn’t get sore, etc.

But I get uninterrupted time with her.  I don’t have to worry about Ethan and Abby feeling neglected because they are asleep.   I can crawl into Hannah’s bed with her (twin in the family room) and cuddle next to her.  I can just spend alone time with her all night long.

Even though she is asleep, I still get my quality alone time.  That is so important to me.  It’s almost like my daily Hannah fix because I know I have to step back a bit during the day for Ethan and Abby (which is why we have day nursing).   Daddy and I still switch roles at 5 am, which is when I usually go to sleep.  The kids are used to mommy sleeping until lunch time, which I feel is a decent trade-off so they can have quality time during the day and evening.

It also gives me quiet time to cry.  Tonight, when she let me hold her, I got emotional.  I start thinking about how weak she is, how sad I am for her, how much I miss her smile and beautiful eyes staring at me.  I keep trying to get her feel, her smell, everything imprinted in my brain…how much I yearn for things to be different.

But, at least for now, I have my mommy-Hannah alone time.