Goodbye 2011

How I really feel about it is “Goodbye 2011, don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out!”    If you weigh the good times with the bad times, the bad definitely overshadow the good.

Last year, I did a summary of first posts for each of the months of 2010.   I thought about doing it this year, but it just got too depressing.  To see Hannah’s condition constantly deteriorating, deteriorating more than we realized at the time.    We were so hopeful about each of the little advances yet failed to see the big picture.

I spend a lot of time looking at pictures and videos of Hannah these days.  I love, love looking at videos of her, especially in her first 18 months when she was only moderately affected, pre-trach, pre-gtube.   But as I look at the later videos, wow, she really was severely affected by this disease the last 18 months of her life.  It is almost criminal how much this disease affected her.  Yet, she still smiled.  It is amazing how much she smiles in these videos, up until the last few months anyway.

But 2012 is here, and it is a year that will not have any new experiences or new memories made with Hannah.  There will be no new photos, no new videos of her.  She is gone.

2012 is going to be the first of many years like this.   I miss her terribly…