Hannah just loves her big brother!
She has been gone four months now. Today was a ROUGH day for me. I have been in just a funk all day long. Even started crying at the restaurant at lunch … no clue where it came from, but it just started.
I keep hoping that the 4th of each month will get easier as time goes by, but today felt just as raw and painful as that first month. Even more so because I miss her so… damn… much more now.
Hannah, you should be home with us.
You should be here so your brother can read books to you and so that your sister can sing to you. You should be here so we can spend the night snuggling together and just gazing into each others eyes and smiling. You should be here loving on your daddy who misses you just as much as I do.
You should be here with me…right now. Not fair. I’m pissed. I’m sad. I’m frustrated. I’m heartbroken.
I just want you here with me.
My heart breaks for you and the family. I wish I could make it better…{Hugs}
I love you hon. I wish I could take away the pain and hurt and sadness and anger. I know I can’t, but I can always be here for you! Any time, any place. I love you! <3 <3 <3
Love you.
We just recently found out that the genetic markers for our son are Type 2.. He has been undergoing treatment for Gaucher’s disease for about 7 years. How can he be type 2 and 8 yrs old? The specialists are doing more research to confirm and understand. They think there is some other gene mutation that is making him so healthy, but I am scared that one day that gene will stop functioning, since genes get triggered on and off all the time. Plus what does that mean for future children? It all seems so inconsistent and scary. I don’t want to lose my little man. I want to have another child, but if they are a Gaucher’s baby, Type 2, will they have the same mutation to keep them healthy? The geneticist says there is no way to know, until the child is formed. Parenting is hard enough as it is, how do you get over such a horrible hurdle? I would be lying if I said I was not willing to do almost anything to avoid losing a child. I’m heart broken, confused, scared.