My grass is a bit greener tonight

I can’t stop thinking about those children in Connecticut tonight.   How horrified they must have been to see that “thing” come into their classroom and start shooting at them.   How their last thoughts before they died were of intense panic and fear.

Those children … oh my god…

Their parents.  Forever will they have to live with terrifying and horrific situation – not only did they lose their child, but it was done in such an evil, deliberate, and utterly disgusting fashion.

I keep reminding myself how “lucky” (for lack of a better word) I was that Hannah was surrounded by love the night she died.   How she passed away in my arms, stroking her hair.   How her Daddy, brother, and sister all kissed her all night long, even after she passed away.    How she wasn’t connected to any tubes, machines, or in a hospital room.

As her mom, I knew what her last moments were like.   I was there for every breath she took up until the last one that night.

Those parents… I don’t know how you survive something like this, especially with children so young.   How do you get the thought of your child’s last moments out of your head?   The wondering how long they knew?   Was it instant?   How much did they suffer before they passed?

How does a parent pick up the pieces after something like this?   It just crushes my heart having to think of what their families are going through.

I’m so incredibly thankful that I *know* exactly how Hannah’s last moments were.   Knowing that she wasn’t in pain, wasn’t being traumatized.  Knowing that she was surrounded by love.

I never realized how comforting this feeling was until tonight.   I got to say goodbye to her.

My heart truly goes out to those families tonight who will never be able to have peace in their heart because of this tragic event.


  1. love you

  2. Laura says:

    In the absence of having what we all truly wish for our kids, in the reality of GD, my new wish for Katie’s last moments are what you described for Hannah’s, love and peace. What we face is unbearable in so many ways, what those parents face is horrific. My head and heart ache imagining.