A dear friend sent this to me tonight, and so much of it rang so true for me.
Things Grieving Parents Wish You Would Remember…
1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my child. The truth is just because you never saw my child doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t deserve your recognition.
2. I wish that if we did talk about my child and I cried you didn’t think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my child. The truth is I need to cry and …talk about my baby with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal.
3. I wish that you could talk about my child more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven’t forgotten and that you do care and understand.
4. I wish you wouldn’t think that I don’t want to talk about my child. The truth is I love my child and need to talk about him or her.
5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my child has died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.
6. I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my child, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my child are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it’s not all like that.
7. I wish you wouldn’t pretend that my child never existed.
8. I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.
9. I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m “over it” or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no “normal” way for me to act.
10. I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me. The truth is loosing my child doesn’t mean I’m contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.
11. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be “over and done with” in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be “over” this.
12. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby died and the day I lost my baby are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.
13. I wish you understood that losing my child has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to “”normal” you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you’ll still like me.
14. I wish you wouldn’t tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace this baby. Babies aren’t interchangeable. Besides, you do not know whether we have fertility problems too.
15. I wish you wouldn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it’s not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.
16. I wish you wouldn’t think that you’ll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.
17. I wish you wouldn’t say that it’s natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect to me no matter what you think nature is saying.
18. I wish you wouldn’t say that this was “God’s plan” or “she is in a better place.” I don’t believe God would be so cruel to make my child suffer and take her away from me. The best place for her to be is in my arms.